By Dan Langerock
Relationships fail a lot more than they used to, because there are so many pressures in society against them:work,lack of commitment, lack of a good foundation for the relationship, too many distractions, the “disposable” mindset, and more. You don’t have to fall into these traps that will derail your happiness. But you can do something about them and help it to flourish.
Work: Employers are different than they used to be. I had one employer who was told about my vacation and then cancelled it on the day I was to go. Some feel like they own you as a person. Then we often get carried away with working and believe that is all there is to life–workaholism. This will destroy a relationship because the person you care about will feel neglected. I have known people who work so much, they might as well live at work. You probably do also.
Lack of Commitment: Many people want no attachments in their relationships, which means no security that the person won’t walk out the door at any time they feel like it. There is no permanency, so the other people involved never know when the relationship will end, today or a year from now, with no notice.
Lack Of A Good Foundation: Some relationships are based on physical attraction, sex, and other things which are not a good foundation. When good looks fail or the person gets sick, the other person may move out and leave them hanging emotionally and otherwise. If you have no spiritual foundation to your personal life or your relationship, the intimacy and other perks of a relationship tend to be shallow. However, with a foundation built on serving God and each other as taught in the Bible, there will be a wonderful richness and depth to the relationship that the world cannot duplicate.
Too Many Distractions: Depending on the priorities of each person, the relationship may suffer because there are too many priorities other than being together that distract from the main focus of caring for each other. How much time do you spend together, and are there interruptions that keep you from being intimate and really appreciating each other? Do you have boundaries set up so this cannot happen?
Selfishness: One of the main themes of the book of Judges in the Bible is “everyone did what what was right in his own eyes”. If this is happening to your relationship, and the other person or both are doing what is good for their ego instead of the relationship, then it will fail. A lot of people think they have to have their own way all the time, and that is not going to help the relationship that is supposed to be based on the good the two people involved, not one ego over the other.
The “Disposable”Mindset: This is when the relationship does not matter enough to each person for it to continue, due to lack of commitment or the idea by one or both that the people and relationship are disposable, just something to be thrown away like a piece of trash. People don’t matter, just go on to the next one. Commitment doesn’t matter, it’s just an old-fashioned word that has no relevance for this time in history.
Have you had problems like these in your relationships? What are your ideas about these subjects? Do people and the permanency of relationships matter, or are they just disposable? What you believe about these and more will help or hurt you in the years to come. Is God a vital part of your life and relationship? These questions and more, if answered improperly, will follow the rest of your days and just keep piling up more and more wreckage in your wake. I hope you will consider these and put effort into how you treat your relationships with friends and family and others.
Look at your life and see what lies in your wake:ruins, broken promises etc. If so, maybe you need to look at your personality and ideas to see why you feel as you do about relationships and people in general?